It’ll Be Off

The (not even remotely) Weekly Web Weview
August 10, 2008, 1:16 pm
Filed under: News | Tags: , , ,

BobBlackburn Park Avenue have announced their latest multi-million pound purchase, former Oldham Athletic striker, Chris Hall. Hall quit football a couple of years ago to concentrate on his show biz career, but the closest he came to anything approaching fame was a rumoured appearance on Big Brother. Obviously having failed to make it on to one freak show, he’s signed up for a season at another. UPDATE – And what do you know? Here’s his CV in full. And the role that jumps straight out at you? ‘Guy in gimp mask’. Superb.

And it seems Bob Blackburn can’t help himself. On announcing the transfer to three people who now use the unofficial BPA forum, Blackburn described Chris Hall as ‘a former England B international’. Which is, of course, absolute bollocks. Chris Hall has represented the England National Game XI, a non league select side, which is often referred to as ‘England C’. Which I suppose is close enough. Compared the the fibaroonies he told about Spain, that’s practically the truth.

And speaking of Spain, despite the fact that it’s now common knowledge this was all a load of shit, the match reports are STILL on the official BPA site. And no apology has been forthcoming. Their top brass at BPA have made it known they wish to draw a line under this incident and move on, concentrating solely on the season ahead. I bet they fucking do.

Some confusion surrounds FC United’s new striking sensation, Rhys Hardie. I’ve seen his name variously given as Recce Hardy, Reece Hardy, Rhys Hardy and pretty much every variation you can think of. But I can confirm that he is an ie, not a y. A quick google search reveals a few news stories about him, plus the wonderful news he comes highly recommended by Neil Redfearn. He’s also on facebook for all you would be cyber-stalkers.

Congrats to AFC Liverpool, who won their first ever league game, beating the extras from ‘The Hills Have Eyes’, Darwen FC, 5-0. The attendance was 426, which entirely comprised former Liverpool players such as Bjorn Tore Kvarme, Istvan Kozma and Sander Westerveld (OK, it didn’t). Some snides have pointed out that this attendance is a little low, and the whole thing wont last till Christmas. Now where have I heard that before?

Congrats also to AFC Wimbledon, who gubbed Newport County 4-1 away in their first game in the Blue Conference Square Vauxhall South League. According to former Chairman, and all round good egg, Kris ‘I just want to watch football’ Stewart, several of the Dons fans made it all the way to Newport, only to sack off the game and stay in the pub instead. This is something I heartily approve of, and will probably be doing more than once this season. In fact, last time our lot were down at The Cherry Red Records Fans’ Stadium Kingsmeadow, or whatever it’s called, I seem to recall Kris doing something very similar himself.

The Altyfans forum has laid the blame for the trouble in the Georgian breakaway region of South Ossetia squarely at the doors of FC United and their fans. Despite the World’s media reporting attacks on Tskhinvali by Russian tanks and planes, FUNKY_ROBIN69 from the forum knows better: “I have never seen such disgraceful scenes.” He said. “The peace loving people of South Ossetia, who have had de facto independence since the 1990s, were minding their own business when a dozen or so FSCUM fans ruined the peace by singing, drinking, and generally acting as football fans should. It’d never happen anywhere else. These boys think they invented military intervention.”

And far be it from me to tongue‘s dot any more than I have to, but their rough guide to Horwich/Leigh/RMI/Genesis is a thing of rare beauty. Take a look here. I’ve grown quite fond of those crazy cats in Boston, and look forward to the game there immensely. It’s just a shame it’ll inevitably be ruined by countless local idiots, dragging themselves to the game on their malformed hands from their fenland dwellings.


2 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Oooh, you big fat liar! I may have missed some of the second half, possibly. But I saw goals. Which is more than I can say for you!

Comment by KrisS

Ouch! That was a bit below the belt. I of course didn’t miss the entire second half and lose my voice singing “Under the Boardwalk’. Oh no.

Comment by Getty

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