It’ll Be Off

It’ll Be Off Deadline Day Rumour Watch
September 1, 2008, 3:24 pm
Filed under: Transfer tittle-tattle | Tags: ,

Cameron ‘stunned’ as Bradford Park Avenue bid for Berbatov

Cammy said “I am as stunned and excited by this as both the fans are”

Bradford Park Avenue boss Dave Cameron is as stunned as everyone else by the news his club have launched an audacious 11th-hour bid to sign Dimitar Berbatov from Tottenham.

With the midnight deadline approaching and Berbatov seemingly set to complete his dream move to Manchester United, Avenue have stepped in to try to take advantage of the gap in valuation between the Red Devils and Spurs.

At present there is no sign of a break in the deadlock over the difference between a £30m fee Tottenham are demanding and the £25m United are prepared to pay, leading to fears the deal will not be concluded at all.

Sensing the problem has not been resolved, Avenue, with a £150m takeover by fat Bob Blackburn complete, have made their move, matching Spurs’ asking price.

While any suggesting of Avenue involvement would normally be scoffed at by the whole fucking world, there has been talk of a medical and terms being discussed, which, if true, takes the possibility of Berbatov ending up in West Riding, wishing he were dead, to a whole new level.

“I am as stunned and excited by this as both the fans are,” Cameron told the Telegraph and Argus.

Although Cameron himself is not conducting negotiations, Bob Blackburn are trying to complete the signing, insisting their bid is genuine.

“YES, I CAN CONFIRM I AM GOING TO BY BERBATOV.” lied the odious chief exec of Avenue. “I AM GOING TO CUT HIS HEAD OFF, THEN MOUNT IT ON MY WALL, MOUTH GAPING, SO I CAN GET HIM TO GIVE ME A GOBBLE WHENEVER THE MOOD TAKES ME.” He then added a series of exclamation marks and smileys, the rotten, semi-literate, front-bottom, before pointing out that he was so rich, £37 million for a nosh was nothing to him. Nothing.

Manchester City have made a bid in excess of £30m to sign imaginery midfield general Stefan Brookster from under the noses of ludicrous Unibond League club Bradford Park Avenue, It’ll Be Off understands.

The midfielder, who doesn’t exist, has been linked with BPA all summer, but Avenue have been reluctant to complete the deal while Brookster remains a figment of Bob Blackburn’s sordid imagination.

But City’s new owners Abu Dhabi United Group have tabled a serious bid.

“We have made an offer and I think it’s agreed between ourselves and Cloud Cukoo Land,” boss Mark Hughes told Sky Sports.

“Now it’s up to the boy to decide.”

City are also believed to eyeing Melchester Rovers striker Roy Race and Viz’s Billy the Fish.

Hughes, who said he expects to meet with Brookster on Monday, admitted the turnaround in the club’s fortunes has surprised both himself and the fans.

“Previously this club have signed players who play like they don’t exist, but I believe this is the first time we’ve actually signed a player who was completely made up.

“It’s a statement of intent from the new owners. It shows they’re prepared to spend money on the best, even if they’re not even real.”

BPA boss Bob BLackburn was unavailbale for comment, as he was busy face-fucking the stuffed head of Dimitar Berbatov.


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