It’ll Be Off


John Lawless is a wanker
January 14, 2009, 3:09 pm
Filed under: News | Tags: , ,
How to ruin a perfectly good arm

How to ruin a perfectly good arm

Ah, John Lawless (pictured right, with a nasty looking blemish on his arm), you sure know how to make friends and influence people, don’t you?

A bit of background. A few weeks ago, John Lawless made the universal gesture of the cunt, mimicking an aeroplane to mock those who died in the 1958 Munich air crash. His reward was a half time visit from the police, who warned him and his team about their conduct. He also saw a rejuvenated and passionate FC United team win the match through a last minute Nick Robinson goal. Rarely has a goal at Gigg Lane been celebrated so wildly – not just for the three points it delivered, but because it rammed it right down the throats of Lawless and the rest of his cretinous ilk (we’re looking at you, Shaun Tuck).

After the match it emerged that Lawless, who once lived next door to Wayne Rooney, and counts Jamie Cchhhharraghghghghgherrrr’s stepbrother as a close friend, was a member of FaceBook group ‘munich 58 was da fookin best thing ever, like’ or something equally retarded. And while Lawless could easily have been convicted of being a cunt without this glaring piece of evidence, it’s always nice to have further proof to back it up.

Yesterday, Marine FC sacked the player. Or at least his contract was terminated ‘by mutual consent’. In a short statement on the official Marine FC website, it was revealed that they would rather cease to exist as a football club than have scum like Lawless play for them. Not in so many words, like, but I imagine that was the subtext.

Further to this excellent piece of news, it was revealed in the Bury Times that Lawless could still face an FA charge after the match referee mentioned the incident in his match report. Full credit also has to go to the stewards and to the police (blimey, never thought I’d write that) for the immaculate way they handled the situation.

For apart from being crass, offensive, stupid and displaying an unbelievable level of malice and ignorance, what John Lawless did was possibly dangerous. Had it not been for the swift actions of the stewards, and the words had by the police (who were initially told to ‘fuck off’ by Marine officials when they attempted to enter the dressing room) who knows what could have happened? Several fans were prevented from entering the field to give Lawless a slap, and that could have had serious consequences. Not for Lawless, I couldn’t give a fuck about him, I’m referring to the club, fines incurred, etc. Indeed, our GM Andy Walsh was moved to thank the fans for not rising to such provocative bait.

The story has been picked up by many news portals, including some American ones, who sadly miss the point and see the incident as an opportunity to bash the sport as a whole, rather than concentrating on the sort of brainless moron who would use the deaths of 21 people as some sort of pathetic gesture of defiance.

There is, of course, a wider issue to be discussed here: that of rivalry, its place in non league football, and the choice of song we sing at Gigg Lane. But now is not the time. Now is the time to revel in the misfortune of John Lawless. While we enjoy the pantomime badness of the likes of Iain Mills, and Robert Blackburn, creating a rivalry where perhaps there is none, it would be nice to see a genuinely odious little cretin like Lawless get his comeuppance. Fingers crossed, eh?



Happy New Year
January 8, 2009, 11:35 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Apologies for the lack of updates over the festive period. I was whisked away to Paris by Eurostar for Christmas, where I enjoyed the pound crashing hopelessly, leaving a pint or ‘demi liter’ costing eight fucking quid. Further to which I can’t work out if it’s great or shit that a sandwich costs less than a half. But that’s by the by.

Since then, a brand new addition to the family has taken up all my time. Since rocking up on Christmas Eve all my time and attention has been spent on this new baby. I don’t have time to update a measly (though award winning) blog anymore. I have more important things to spend my time on. I didn’t think I was ready for such a big step, but this has persuaded me otherwise. Just being in the same room as her fills my heart with joy, and a huge grin spreads across my otherwise emotionless face. I’ve been turned in to a gurgling, chuntering idiot, as I talk ridiculous baby talk, forgetting who, and where I am. Honestly, if you were ever in any doubt, don’t be. Get an XBOX360. They’re fucking mint. And apparently I’ve got a new niece, but I wouldn’t know much about that. Well, not until she’s able to play Pro Evo or GTA4 without shitting herself. After all, if it’s the rule I made for Grandad, it’s only fair it applies to her.

So that’s where I’ve been. I hope you all had a great Christmas and New Year, and with the unofficial Northern Premier League winter break (running from November to March) nearly over, I have no doubt we can all stagger and stumble on to further greatness in the next twelve months.

Cheers!