The fashioned world blanched today as FC United of Manchester finally unveiled their new home kit.
Following contractual issues with sportswear giants ProStar, the notoriously sartorially elegant Bury based breakaway club decided to work instead with Admiral.
The new shirt, which pays homage to a Manchester United kit from the late 70s, caused great controversy when finally unleashed on an unsuspecting public at Bury Market Fashion Week.
Blackburn fan and fashion designer Wayne Hemmingway was heard to exclaim “Christ! What the hell is that?”, whilst heavyweight fashionista Alexander McQueen vomited loudly in to his clutch purse. Vogue’s online fashion editor, Constance Brioche, revealed exclusively to It’ll Be Off that the whole thing is a disaster.
“The neck is all wrong.” Constance assured us, with remarkable androgynous ambiguity, “Seriously. Look at the fucking state of it. And what’s that sticking out the front? Is it Jerome’s hernia? Phil Melville’s gut? Carlos Roca? What? Four fucking months late and this is the best they can do? Besides, everyone knows that this winter is all about knits and snoods. Vertical stripes are so 1977. And red? As a block colour everyone has seen indigo trending this season. But why not go for a monochrome houndstooth design. And set it all off with some wedge boots and a fucking top hat?”
But it’s not all bad news for the Red Rebels as it’s only a fucking football shirt, and it’s impossible for a grown man to look anything other than a complete tool in one regardless of the design. So either buy one and shut up, or don’t buy one and still shut up.
1 Comment so far
Leave a comment