It’ll Be Off

Weekly Round-Up
February 5, 2011, 10:45 am
Filed under: News | Tags: , , ,

Much like Kendal last week, it was another case of ‘shoulda, coulda, didn’t’ on Wednesday night as the culturally important FC  United of Manchester lost 1-0 to Colwyn Bay. Having been horribly outplayed by Colwyn Bay twice already this season, at least we can hold our head up high and say “Yeah, but we weren’t as bad as we usually were against them” as we try and hide all mention of our three defeats to them down the back of the sofa cushions.

Later today our lot travel to Hucknall Town, in a state of mild confusion, thinking “Didn’t we play them a couple of weeks ago?”. Having won 4-1 that day, or something like that – I can’t be arsed to go and check, we would expect a win today, but nothing’s a given for us these days.

Former Manchester United player Enock ‘Knocker’ West was from Hucknall, by the way. West was suspended from football for 30 years having been accused of match fixing in 1915. 30 years suspension is coincidentally the combined time spent suspended by former FC midfielders Tunji Moses and David Neville over the past couple of seasons. Only kidding.

Having neatly managed to swerve the temptation to talk about Hucknall Town and mention a certain pudding faced, ginger, singer, I move on to lumbering former city battering ram Niall Quinn.

Quinn, who used to be a complete dick, but then suddenly turned in to a weird amalgam of Mother Theresa and a Victorian philanthropist, has said he ‘despises’ the Sunderland fans who eschew the earthy charms of the Stadium of Light and instead watch their team in the pub on foreign satellite feeds.

Says Quinn: “Contrary to the opinion of the advocate general, the illegal showing of Saturday 3pm fixtures involving Sunderland has an extremely detrimental effect on our attendances. I can point to the evidence uncovered by an agency who covertly visited pubs and clubs in our catchment area and witnessed thousands watching the illegal broadcasts. My belief is [that] a significant number of these people are taking the easy option of spending their money in the pub, watching their team, as opposed to supporting their team and helping to create a better atmosphere at the stadium.

“Our attendances are down for a couple of reasons and I would never criticise anyone who doesn’t come to the stadium because of financial constraints but I despise those who spend far more than the price of a ticket watching some overseas commentator describing the action.”

I wonder how many people that actually is? A ticket to Sunderland v Liverpool will set you back a tickle under £30. Plus you have to get to the match. And then there’s food and drink. And all the rest. Plus the knowledge that your hard earned is going to line the pockets of a group of borderline-feral millionaires, who spend their spare time shagging each other’s wives in their illegally parked Lamborghinis, whilst holding a fucking Louis Vuitton travel bag and diamond encrusted Blackberry.

Do you know what I despise, Niall Quinn? I despise people in football, so far fucking removed from the average working person as you can possibly get, passing judgement on how they spend their time and money. I despise these imbeciles who have had millions thrust upon them thanks to the good luck of being half decent at football when the game is at its most bloated and avaricious, preaching to us what’s fair, and what isn’t fair. Until Quinn sees fit to lower the price of a ticket to watch Sunderland to a level more in line with a club that represents a city with one of the lowest average wages in the country, I think he should shut the fuck up and let people get on with it.

Finally, Fernando Torres took time out of playing Modern Warfare 2, or whatever it is he does, to explain to the BBC the reasons behind his transfer from Liverpool to Chelsea: “I understand they will be angry and will not understand my decision. Maybe in a few days or weeks I will explain all the reasons… I’m not asking them to understand me but I’m sure over time they will see what I did there.”

Cheers for that ‘Nando’. Put all our minds at rest, I think.


2 Comments so far
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Despite being outplayed FC did actually beat Colwyn Bay in the FA Trophy match.

Comment by Wayne

Bloody hell, so we did. The tricks your memory plays, eh?

Comment by Taylor

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